the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
