i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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