i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
