i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He passed out mid-signature
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
