I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
