I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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