I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
