We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
