she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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