I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
