i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
