so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
