is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
