if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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