We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
