Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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