Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
