he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
how does that bad decision feel?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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