life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
