I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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