So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
