You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it penis luge time yet?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
