exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
