you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
