So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
