well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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