I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
