no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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