I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
