Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
