somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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