I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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