I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
