I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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