The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
