Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
