Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
