is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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