When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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