gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
