so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
