just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
its liver damage thursday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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