when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
