They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
