end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
