I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
