the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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