Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
