so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
