I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
