i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
