Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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