"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
