Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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