she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
