I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
