Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
