i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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