They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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