how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
