Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
