The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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