I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
