It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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