I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
