i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
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You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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