we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You ate ashes out of my bong
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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