Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
