he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize